Equally quiet. Sam feels pleasantly drowsy, having dozed alongside Bucky. Sharing his warmth with his moon. Resting. It's nice like this, Bucky pleasantly cool and soothing instead of ice cold to the touch now. Sampets his hair. Shifts a little to allow Bucky to slide just a little deeper. Gives a happy little sigh at that, utterly content with the feeling.
"You can."
A soft kiss to Bucky's temple.
"Anything you need. Anything you want."
And when he feels the first twitch of Bucky's cock: 'you did so well. Thank you ." and Sam doesn't move away. Runs his hands over Bucky, quietly encouraging him to stay right there. To enjoy feeling his own warm cum make Sam's hole wetter and warmer around Bucky's cock.
'Anything you need' Sam says, and all Bucky can think is that he needs Sam. His warmth and his light that isn't too bright to look at directly. The softness of his hands on Bucky's skin. The way it feels when Bucky's cock twitches inside of Sam.
He sighs, and settles back into Sam's embrace. It keeps happening, the little orgasms, and every time Sam is awake for it Bucky receives a kiss, small praise.
It's very comforting.
The room changes while they're cuddling in there. The blankets thicken up, the bed becomes softer and warmer, sturdier all around. The room becomes less draftyas Bucky's core temperature climbs, and even the wallpaper brightens up.
If Sam has anywhere better to be, it does not show. For hours they just doze together, with Sam warming Bucky's cock and his bed, just letting his moon rest in comfort. Sometimes Sam's awake to feel and praise the small, comfortable orgasms Bucky shudders through. Sometimes he doesn't wake, just dozes. Sometimes, Bucky's not even fully awake for them either.
The room changes as the day turns to night and then the sky lights up slowly with dawn.
Bucky will stir to the soft sound of Sam's voice, speaking Arabic in a hushed voice into his phone. When he notices Bucky's eyes open, he reaches out a hand, runs it through his hair. Says something to the person on the other end of the line while keeping fond eyes on Bucky, then ends the conversation. Shoves the phone onto the bedside table and then scoots back in closer to Bucky.
"Better," Bucky admits, feeling a little bashful, but also curious about the phone call. "I'm sorry. Not just for yesterday but the whole thing. I know it's been... weird, and I've been needy, and I'll do what I can to try and get my shit together so you can go tour..."
The words spill out of Bucky in a rush, guilt rising in his throat. Sam is supposed to be for the people of the world, not focused on the Bucky Barnes show.
Sam doesn't quite shush Bucky, but burrows closer. Kisses his cheek. The corner of his mouth. Doesn't dare go further without permission.
"You've been mourning. You've been lonely. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner that you needed more from me. I'm here now. And you can have this, Bucky. We're in this together - so I'll keep you warm. Having needs doesn't make you needy. Just means we find ways to get them met."
A vague gesture to the phone.
" I actually just spoke to the Council. Last time I was in touch with them, I asked for their patience while we bond. Today, they asked about you, and I told them we're still settling into our bond. They send their regards to you, and will not rush us. We can let them know when we're ready."
"Not sure there was ever anything worth mourning," Bucky mumbles, but Sam's soft kisses pull him from going down that path for long. Besides: "The Council?"
A sma puzzled frown. "They never asked about me before."
Correction: Steve Rogers never told Bucky they asked about him. Different.
Sam frowns a little, confused. Shifts and fusses with Bucky's hair a little. Just tugs it gently, this way and that. Because he can, and because he thinks otherwise he might be tempted to fuss with Bucky in different ways, which would take things too far right now. Besides... he likes this. Likes the casual way in which they're enjoying being physically connected. Sam doesn't want to spook Bucky by telling him that he really wouldn't mind if Bucky wanted to fully fuck him through the matress. Feels rude to say such things when BUcky's former lover (or so Sam thinks), is barely out of the house, and they're only here because Bucky had the physical need of his new mate.
Perhaps they'll get to be more for each other one day.
Sam longs for that, so much.
"They always ask me about you. Don't worry, I'm not sharing all the details. They'd love to see you, if and when you feel up to it." His fingertips drift from Bucky's hair to his cheeks. Trail over the rough stubble there. "Everyone knows you don't like coming out, so no one's expecting that to change. But they'd be very happy to see their moon again. But there's no pressure to do what's not comfortable to you, of course."
"...huh." And for a while Bucky is quiet. Turning that over in his mind. Feeling Sam's fingers in his hair and being pleased about it. Glad someone is around to touch him, talk to him, consider him.
"Seeing them would be weird," he says, suddenly. "The Council, I mean. They all told me to follow my instincts, with Steve, and they probably think that went well, but it didn't, and... they think so highly of him, all of them, and I don't want to be the one to tell him that he's not great, all the time."
Bucky closes his eyes and breathes. "He would never do this. Just touch. We kinda... we had a system, 'cuz otherwise things got too tense. Between us. And I hated it, but he didn't want me and he was my best friend but I don't. Think. He was that even for a really long time." His breath shudders. "That sounds... terrible. Like I'm an asshole. But he would never do this. I stopped going out because he got annoyed. I only wanted to go to that bar you worked at. He thought I was gonna spend eternity drinking or something, he was embarrassed, I guess, and telling him how I felt was... Like how could I waste his time with something so dumb, so trivial, when the whole world needed him?
So I stopped." Bucky swallows. "I stopped. Going out. Talking to anyone. Keeping track of anything. I know you're friends, I don't..." He opens his eyes. "Sorry. I just. Nat said i should be honest with you, but I'm terrified that if I feel better then you'll be gone, and I'll be here, and it won't...? So I want to feel better and I do when you're here but I can't. I can't have an arrangement like that. I can't do it anymore."
He's crying, he realizes, tears just streaming down his face. He feels angry. At himself. At Steve. At the memory of the friend he loved so much who just became a thing for other people in the end. Who always chose someone else. "Ugh."
Sam listens, something in his chest hurting oh so very deeply for the man currently nestled inside of him so intimately. This, though, Sam realizes, feels so much more intimate. The way Bucky falls apart, but lays himself bare. It breaks Sam's heart, and it humbles him too, to be allowed this moment of true vulnerability with Bucky.
He shifts closer. Just wraps himself fully around Bucky, offers skin and warmth and closeness that this man has been lacking in his life so sorely.
"I appreciate the apology, but it ain't necessary. There's nothing you need to feel sorry for."
Another kiss to his cheek, then again. Kissing those tears away. Gentle and warm, always.
"I want you to understand that your feelings, your needs, anything about you... they're never something you gotta hide or feel bad about. Not with me. Not with anyone. It should never have been like that for you. You were never meant to be lonely, and I'm so, so sorry that you were, Buck. You won't be, I can promise you that. The sun ain't the star of the show, man - we're a package deal. We're partner, you and I. It's US, not just me and then you somewhere. And..."
He stops. Falls silent, very fast. Pulls back a little and stares at Bucky, wide-eyed, struggling to conceal how horrified he is.
"You don't know that they think highly of you. Do you?"
"Why would they, I mean I don't..." He sniffs, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve even though Sam kissed all his tears away already. "I don't really. Do anything. I'm just home all the time and sad.
Besides. The sun kinda is the star of the show. Like. Literally. To the people." Right? Hes confused by that look on Sam's face. "What?"
If his opinion of Steve has a person rather than a symbol has been shaky after being named a successor candidate without being given a choice, then right now the entire damn thing is folding in on itself and withering miserably.
What the hell is going on?
Sam just stares for a few long seconds, opens his mouth. Closes it.
And then:
"Bucky, the sun does not shine without the moon. It's a cycle. You as the moon give of yourself to make the sun shine, and in return the sun gives of itself so that you can shine as well and grow in strength. The sun and moon are a combined blessing."
A pause, Sam sucking in a sharp breath.
"I will show you. I'll spend my days with you. I'll keep you warm. Because that's what the sun does. And if I fail my moon, then I fail the rest of the world. I have no business traipsing around with barely any light to share while you're cold and bereft."
He swallows, tugs on Bucky's hands and kisses his knuckles.
"I know you didn't really pick me with intent. You just gave your bracelet to someone because you had to, because Steve failed you for years. But I'm your sun. I don't belong to the people. I belong to and with you. You come first, now. As you should have for the past century."
"But I did. I mean I didn't... realize it was all so important, or what it meant but. I picked you. You're..." Bucky's nostrils flare a little bit and he stares at their hands. Together. "Beautiful and funny and you have the best laugh and I just. I used to go to the bar and watch you talk to people."
Which feels like a terrible thing to say. Because it feels like he betrayed Steve somehow. By... Developing a crush?
Falling in love at a distance?
"I made the bracelet with you in mind." Just gonna. Own up to that. "I heard you were there and I wanted to make something and then Steve saw it and said I should give it to someone and you. Were actually there. So."
A couple of things are rattling around in his brain right now. One, has he really been the moon for a century? Two... He knows what 'give of yourself' usually means in these circumstances. And he wants that. Really, really badly.
He just thinks he should be less of a disaster, maybe.
Sam is usually hesitant to share his feelings. Careful, guarded. But Bucky's been suffering, and does not see his own light anymore. Has been dimmed. So perhaps some honesty.
"Steve didn't ask if I wished to be considered for his successor. He told me I was amongst the candidates. And it irked me because I hate when people make choices for me, but. I remembered you, from those times at the bar. When I wished so much that you would talk to me, but I didn't dare go to you. Steve said you didn't like people, and I was afraid if I bothered you, that you might never come back. You were immortal, and I was just... a barkeep. So with the ceremony, I thought, if nothing else, I can see you again for a while."
He looks from their linked hands to the bracelet, still sitting around his wrist. And his heart aches for many a different reason.
"When you gave the bracelet to me, I thought it meant to loved me, too."
A lot of things fall into place, inside of him. That maybe this wasn't all his fault. Maybe he and Steve just weren't meant to be like that. Didn't mean that Bucky was the bad guy. Didn't mean he was undeserving.
Didn't mean he wasn't loved, too.
He's breathing faster than necessary, he realizes, and, well. He does love Sam. Can love Sam. Has no idea how to do that.
He knows how to kiss, though.
He comes in hot but starts soft for such an abrupt beginning. Nibbles gently at Sam's lower lip to get him to part them. Tastes summer in the kiss.
The light in the room shifts and Bucky opens his eyes. Puts a hand on Sam's cheek. "...woah."
It's Sam causing the the light to become so much more intense in the room. It shines out of his skin like something impossible, a far cry from Steve lighting up once a month.
To Sam, Bucky tastes like the crisp air of a beautiful winter night, like the promise of snow in the best way possible. He's like something refreshing, something that soothes you on a hot day. Like the first sip of water after a desert. The slide of their lips is beautiful, and Sam hums in pleasure when he feels Bucky relax, away from the erratic breathing.
And after, he just looks at his mate. Doesn't look down at himself, doesn't behold the way he's become radiant in a literal sense. Just looks at Bucky. And in the depth of Sam's brown eyes, flecked with gold, Bucky will see his own light shining back to him.
"That's all you, Bucky."
Takes Bucky's hand, places it on his skin. Lets him feel the warmth, the light. The glow of a sun who lifts up his moon instead of treating him like a shadow.
"I didn't know," Bucky says softly, but Sam is probably getting the picture that there's quite a bit that Bucky didn't know or wasn't clear on in the last century.
Kind of a travesty.
"I've never been in love before. When Steve and I first..." He gestures between them. "Became immortal we were pretty young, early twenties? And the Council told us there was potential." A small shake of his head. "But it never really became anything."
Sam licks his lips, tries sorting his thoughts. Can't quite grasp everything that went wrong here.
The fact that Bucky never told anyone...
"I'll put you in touch with the council, love," he promises, hand travelling over Buckys arm. Soothing. "They're there to help both of us, not just me. If things were to not work out... if you were unhappy... you can teach out. To me, to them." A soft kiss. "I want to make sure we're building your support network up. You've been isolated and without ways to receive help for too long, love."
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no subject
Date: 2022-12-21 06:07 pm (UTC)Equally quiet. Sam feels pleasantly drowsy, having dozed alongside Bucky. Sharing his warmth with his moon. Resting. It's nice like this, Bucky pleasantly cool and soothing instead of ice cold to the touch now. Sampets his hair. Shifts a little to allow Bucky to slide just a little deeper. Gives a happy little sigh at that, utterly content with the feeling.
"You can."
A soft kiss to Bucky's temple.
"Anything you need. Anything you want."
And when he feels the first twitch of Bucky's cock: 'you did so well. Thank you ." and Sam doesn't move away. Runs his hands over Bucky, quietly encouraging him to stay right there. To enjoy feeling his own warm cum make Sam's hole wetter and warmer around Bucky's cock.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-21 08:01 pm (UTC)He sighs, and settles back into Sam's embrace. It keeps happening, the little orgasms, and every time Sam is awake for it Bucky receives a kiss, small praise.
It's very comforting.
The room changes while they're cuddling in there. The blankets thicken up, the bed becomes softer and warmer, sturdier all around. The room becomes less draftyas Bucky's core temperature climbs, and even the wallpaper brightens up.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-21 10:26 pm (UTC)The room changes as the day turns to night and then the sky lights up slowly with dawn.
Bucky will stir to the soft sound of Sam's voice, speaking Arabic in a hushed voice into his phone. When he notices Bucky's eyes open, he reaches out a hand, runs it through his hair. Says something to the person on the other end of the line while keeping fond eyes on Bucky, then ends the conversation. Shoves the phone onto the bedside table and then scoots back in closer to Bucky.
"Morning. How you doing?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 12:48 am (UTC)The words spill out of Bucky in a rush, guilt rising in his throat. Sam is supposed to be for the people of the world, not focused on the Bucky Barnes show.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 12:57 am (UTC)Sam doesn't quite shush Bucky, but burrows closer. Kisses his cheek. The corner of his mouth. Doesn't dare go further without permission.
"You've been mourning. You've been lonely. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner that you needed more from me. I'm here now. And you can have this, Bucky. We're in this together - so I'll keep you warm. Having needs doesn't make you needy. Just means we find ways to get them met."
A vague gesture to the phone.
" I actually just spoke to the Council. Last time I was in touch with them, I asked for their patience while we bond. Today, they asked about you, and I told them we're still settling into our bond. They send their regards to you, and will not rush us. We can let them know when we're ready."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 09:57 pm (UTC)A sma puzzled frown. "They never asked about me before."
Correction: Steve Rogers never told Bucky they asked about him. Different.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 10:08 pm (UTC)Perhaps they'll get to be more for each other one day.
Sam longs for that, so much.
"They always ask me about you. Don't worry, I'm not sharing all the details. They'd love to see you, if and when you feel up to it." His fingertips drift from Bucky's hair to his cheeks. Trail over the rough stubble there. "Everyone knows you don't like coming out, so no one's expecting that to change. But they'd be very happy to see their moon again. But there's no pressure to do what's not comfortable to you, of course."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 10:26 pm (UTC)"Seeing them would be weird," he says, suddenly. "The Council, I mean. They all told me to follow my instincts, with Steve, and they probably think that went well, but it didn't, and... they think so highly of him, all of them, and I don't want to be the one to tell him that he's not great, all the time."
Bucky closes his eyes and breathes. "He would never do this. Just touch. We kinda... we had a system, 'cuz otherwise things got too tense. Between us. And I hated it, but he didn't want me and he was my best friend but I don't. Think. He was that even for a really long time." His breath shudders. "That sounds... terrible. Like I'm an asshole. But he would never do this. I stopped going out because he got annoyed. I only wanted to go to that bar you worked at. He thought I was gonna spend eternity drinking or something, he was embarrassed, I guess, and telling him how I felt was... Like how could I waste his time with something so dumb, so trivial, when the whole world needed him?
So I stopped." Bucky swallows. "I stopped. Going out. Talking to anyone. Keeping track of anything. I know you're friends, I don't..." He opens his eyes. "Sorry. I just. Nat said i should be honest with you, but I'm terrified that if I feel better then you'll be gone, and I'll be here, and it won't...? So I want to feel better and I do when you're here but I can't. I can't have an arrangement like that. I can't do it anymore."
He's crying, he realizes, tears just streaming down his face. He feels angry. At himself. At Steve. At the memory of the friend he loved so much who just became a thing for other people in the end. Who always chose someone else. "Ugh."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 10:44 pm (UTC)He shifts closer. Just wraps himself fully around Bucky, offers skin and warmth and closeness that this man has been lacking in his life so sorely.
"I appreciate the apology, but it ain't necessary. There's nothing you need to feel sorry for."
Another kiss to his cheek, then again. Kissing those tears away. Gentle and warm, always.
"I want you to understand that your feelings, your needs, anything about you... they're never something you gotta hide or feel bad about. Not with me. Not with anyone. It should never have been like that for you. You were never meant to be lonely, and I'm so, so sorry that you were, Buck. You won't be, I can promise you that. The sun ain't the star of the show, man - we're a package deal. We're partner, you and I. It's US, not just me and then you somewhere. And..."
He stops. Falls silent, very fast. Pulls back a little and stares at Bucky, wide-eyed, struggling to conceal how horrified he is.
"You don't know that they think highly of you. Do you?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 10:53 pm (UTC)Besides. The sun kinda is the star of the show. Like. Literally. To the people." Right? Hes confused by that look on Sam's face. "What?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:08 pm (UTC)What the hell is going on?
Sam just stares for a few long seconds, opens his mouth. Closes it.
And then:
"Bucky, the sun does not shine without the moon. It's a cycle. You as the moon give of yourself to make the sun shine, and in return the sun gives of itself so that you can shine as well and grow in strength. The sun and moon are a combined blessing."
A pause, Sam sucking in a sharp breath.
"I will show you. I'll spend my days with you. I'll keep you warm. Because that's what the sun does. And if I fail my moon, then I fail the rest of the world. I have no business traipsing around with barely any light to share while you're cold and bereft."
He swallows, tugs on Bucky's hands and kisses his knuckles.
"I know you didn't really pick me with intent. You just gave your bracelet to someone because you had to, because Steve failed you for years. But I'm your sun. I don't belong to the people. I belong to and with you. You come first, now. As you should have for the past century."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:19 pm (UTC)Which feels like a terrible thing to say. Because it feels like he betrayed Steve somehow. By... Developing a crush?
Falling in love at a distance?
"I made the bracelet with you in mind." Just gonna. Own up to that. "I heard you were there and I wanted to make something and then Steve saw it and said I should give it to someone and you. Were actually there. So."
A couple of things are rattling around in his brain right now. One, has he really been the moon for a century? Two... He knows what 'give of yourself' usually means in these circumstances. And he wants that. Really, really badly.
He just thinks he should be less of a disaster, maybe.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:27 pm (UTC)"Steve didn't ask if I wished to be considered for his successor. He told me I was amongst the candidates. And it irked me because I hate when people make choices for me, but. I remembered you, from those times at the bar. When I wished so much that you would talk to me, but I didn't dare go to you. Steve said you didn't like people, and I was afraid if I bothered you, that you might never come back. You were immortal, and I was just... a barkeep. So with the ceremony, I thought, if nothing else, I can see you again for a while."
He looks from their linked hands to the bracelet, still sitting around his wrist. And his heart aches for many a different reason.
"When you gave the bracelet to me, I thought it meant to loved me, too."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:47 pm (UTC)A lot of things fall into place, inside of him. That maybe this wasn't all his fault. Maybe he and Steve just weren't meant to be like that. Didn't mean that Bucky was the bad guy. Didn't mean he was undeserving.
Didn't mean he wasn't loved, too.
He's breathing faster than necessary, he realizes, and, well. He does love Sam. Can love Sam. Has no idea how to do that.
He knows how to kiss, though.
He comes in hot but starts soft for such an abrupt beginning. Nibbles gently at Sam's lower lip to get him to part them. Tastes summer in the kiss.
The light in the room shifts and Bucky opens his eyes. Puts a hand on Sam's cheek. "...woah."
It's Sam causing the the light to become so much more intense in the room. It shines out of his skin like something impossible, a far cry from Steve lighting up once a month.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-23 01:16 am (UTC)And after, he just looks at his mate. Doesn't look down at himself, doesn't behold the way he's become radiant in a literal sense. Just looks at Bucky. And in the depth of Sam's brown eyes, flecked with gold, Bucky will see his own light shining back to him.
"That's all you, Bucky."
Takes Bucky's hand, places it on his skin. Lets him feel the warmth, the light. The glow of a sun who lifts up his moon instead of treating him like a shadow.
"See what you can do?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-23 07:12 pm (UTC)Kind of a travesty.
"I've never been in love before. When Steve and I first..." He gestures between them. "Became immortal we were pretty young, early twenties? And the Council told us there was potential." A small shake of his head. "But it never really became anything."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 04:20 am (UTC)The fact that Bucky never told anyone...
"I'll put you in touch with the council, love," he promises, hand travelling over Buckys arm. Soothing. "They're there to help both of us, not just me. If things were to not work out... if you were unhappy... you can teach out. To me, to them." A soft kiss. "I want to make sure we're building your support network up. You've been isolated and without ways to receive help for too long, love."