Sam is usually hesitant to share his feelings. Careful, guarded. But Bucky's been suffering, and does not see his own light anymore. Has been dimmed. So perhaps some honesty.
"Steve didn't ask if I wished to be considered for his successor. He told me I was amongst the candidates. And it irked me because I hate when people make choices for me, but. I remembered you, from those times at the bar. When I wished so much that you would talk to me, but I didn't dare go to you. Steve said you didn't like people, and I was afraid if I bothered you, that you might never come back. You were immortal, and I was just... a barkeep. So with the ceremony, I thought, if nothing else, I can see you again for a while."
He looks from their linked hands to the bracelet, still sitting around his wrist. And his heart aches for many a different reason.
"When you gave the bracelet to me, I thought it meant to loved me, too."
A lot of things fall into place, inside of him. That maybe this wasn't all his fault. Maybe he and Steve just weren't meant to be like that. Didn't mean that Bucky was the bad guy. Didn't mean he was undeserving.
Didn't mean he wasn't loved, too.
He's breathing faster than necessary, he realizes, and, well. He does love Sam. Can love Sam. Has no idea how to do that.
He knows how to kiss, though.
He comes in hot but starts soft for such an abrupt beginning. Nibbles gently at Sam's lower lip to get him to part them. Tastes summer in the kiss.
The light in the room shifts and Bucky opens his eyes. Puts a hand on Sam's cheek. "...woah."
It's Sam causing the the light to become so much more intense in the room. It shines out of his skin like something impossible, a far cry from Steve lighting up once a month.
To Sam, Bucky tastes like the crisp air of a beautiful winter night, like the promise of snow in the best way possible. He's like something refreshing, something that soothes you on a hot day. Like the first sip of water after a desert. The slide of their lips is beautiful, and Sam hums in pleasure when he feels Bucky relax, away from the erratic breathing.
And after, he just looks at his mate. Doesn't look down at himself, doesn't behold the way he's become radiant in a literal sense. Just looks at Bucky. And in the depth of Sam's brown eyes, flecked with gold, Bucky will see his own light shining back to him.
"That's all you, Bucky."
Takes Bucky's hand, places it on his skin. Lets him feel the warmth, the light. The glow of a sun who lifts up his moon instead of treating him like a shadow.
"I didn't know," Bucky says softly, but Sam is probably getting the picture that there's quite a bit that Bucky didn't know or wasn't clear on in the last century.
Kind of a travesty.
"I've never been in love before. When Steve and I first..." He gestures between them. "Became immortal we were pretty young, early twenties? And the Council told us there was potential." A small shake of his head. "But it never really became anything."
Sam licks his lips, tries sorting his thoughts. Can't quite grasp everything that went wrong here.
The fact that Bucky never told anyone...
"I'll put you in touch with the council, love," he promises, hand travelling over Buckys arm. Soothing. "They're there to help both of us, not just me. If things were to not work out... if you were unhappy... you can teach out. To me, to them." A soft kiss. "I want to make sure we're building your support network up. You've been isolated and without ways to receive help for too long, love."
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no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:27 pm (UTC)"Steve didn't ask if I wished to be considered for his successor. He told me I was amongst the candidates. And it irked me because I hate when people make choices for me, but. I remembered you, from those times at the bar. When I wished so much that you would talk to me, but I didn't dare go to you. Steve said you didn't like people, and I was afraid if I bothered you, that you might never come back. You were immortal, and I was just... a barkeep. So with the ceremony, I thought, if nothing else, I can see you again for a while."
He looks from their linked hands to the bracelet, still sitting around his wrist. And his heart aches for many a different reason.
"When you gave the bracelet to me, I thought it meant to loved me, too."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-22 11:47 pm (UTC)A lot of things fall into place, inside of him. That maybe this wasn't all his fault. Maybe he and Steve just weren't meant to be like that. Didn't mean that Bucky was the bad guy. Didn't mean he was undeserving.
Didn't mean he wasn't loved, too.
He's breathing faster than necessary, he realizes, and, well. He does love Sam. Can love Sam. Has no idea how to do that.
He knows how to kiss, though.
He comes in hot but starts soft for such an abrupt beginning. Nibbles gently at Sam's lower lip to get him to part them. Tastes summer in the kiss.
The light in the room shifts and Bucky opens his eyes. Puts a hand on Sam's cheek. "...woah."
It's Sam causing the the light to become so much more intense in the room. It shines out of his skin like something impossible, a far cry from Steve lighting up once a month.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-23 01:16 am (UTC)And after, he just looks at his mate. Doesn't look down at himself, doesn't behold the way he's become radiant in a literal sense. Just looks at Bucky. And in the depth of Sam's brown eyes, flecked with gold, Bucky will see his own light shining back to him.
"That's all you, Bucky."
Takes Bucky's hand, places it on his skin. Lets him feel the warmth, the light. The glow of a sun who lifts up his moon instead of treating him like a shadow.
"See what you can do?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-23 07:12 pm (UTC)Kind of a travesty.
"I've never been in love before. When Steve and I first..." He gestures between them. "Became immortal we were pretty young, early twenties? And the Council told us there was potential." A small shake of his head. "But it never really became anything."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 04:20 am (UTC)The fact that Bucky never told anyone...
"I'll put you in touch with the council, love," he promises, hand travelling over Buckys arm. Soothing. "They're there to help both of us, not just me. If things were to not work out... if you were unhappy... you can teach out. To me, to them." A soft kiss. "I want to make sure we're building your support network up. You've been isolated and without ways to receive help for too long, love."