It's the fact that this time, he asked. It's the fact that he's pissed but not projecting any of his upset in Sam's direction. It's the fact he's here, safeguarding Sam's way home.
When Bucky steps close, Sam doesn't flinch or back away. Even though a shifter this agitated scares most people. To Sam this radiates safety right now.
And Sam's own scent is a mess. It's taken on the acrid, bitter notes of fear, hunger, upset, mixed with the scent of Tony's cum and aroused alpha - the cab driver. It all clings to Sam.
He reaches out after a moment, slides his arm through Bucky's as they walk.
"You okay?"
Because he will always ask that first of others, when when he just went through some shit.
"Broadly?" He raises his eyebrows at Sam because, really? You're worried about him right now? "Not a chance. Do you know how weird it is to have a metal arm?"
Bucky one hundred percent is aware that is not what Sam meant at all.
"What do you wanna do when you get home? Do you need to eat?"
Sam looks confused at first, then snorts. Lightly shoves at Bucky and shakes his head. But it pulls him out of the spook of the moment, and so is appreciated.
"I should. Also gonna need the world's longest shower."
"Kind of?" The smirk Bucky had when Sam shoved him is replaced by a slightly haunted expression. "I waited like a half hour or so, and you had already left the interior of the restaurant by the time I got there."
Because he'd promised he wouldn't interrupt them.
"... Seeing you get in the cab was kinda scary, honestly."
Sam goes a little more tense at that, expression closing off a little. The implication is obvious - it's not unlikely Bucky saw them fuck. Sam's not sure how to feel about that. Lacks the energy for anger. Especially when it means Bucky was there to handle the cab driver.
After a while he glances over.
"You know that this stuff happens all the time, right? You weren't wrong when you said I wanted to mate because I'm tired of this shit. Mating bite is the only way to get some peace and quiet." And then, after a moment: "I know you're currently chasing me hard. But no amount of stalking is gonna keep me safe 24/7. And inrefuse to become the kind of omega who works from home and barely leaves. I know the risks. And I know not to rely on an alpha to keep me safe all the time."
He feels Sam stiffen and has a few guesses as to why that happens. But. He'd rather be honest than not right now.
"You love your job; I would never ask you to set that aside for my own paranoia or whatever." He frowns, looks down, shrugs. "I know it happens all the time. I know that there's fuckall I can do about that. And I don't think the shit you get up to, living your life, is inherently dangerous. Broadly, yanno?"
He just thinks that Tony is not the one. And that he, himself, and Sam? Would be great together.
Sam is silent for a while. Knows he should be more unsettled about Bucky's behaviour. Just difficult to do when it's the least hurtful thing done to him today.
"So. Did you enjoy the view?"
That one bugs him though. Needs to hear if Bucky isnthe type tonget off on that or will want to reclaim lost territory.
Yknow, like Tony did.
By the time samnaaka the question they're on the steps leading up to his place.
That he could tell feels... strangely comforting. Tony couldn't. And Sam hates that he keeps comparing, but that's what happens by default in a contested courtship, isn't it. Hes meant to evaluate. He's meant to have the choice, rather than defaulting to who is available and willing.
Sam gently tugs on Bucky's jacket. Gets him closer so they're faces are almost touching. Feels like he's flirting with disaster and doesn't mind it. Does absolutely notice the way Bucky asks about fucking him in his sleep. Someone listened earlier, and listened well.
"I can tell you're still agitated. You sure you want to fuss, not fuck?"
Sam does not want to fuck. The question comes from his surprise that Bucky doesn't more than own desire.
The fact that he's not even putting up resistance about Bucky just assuming he's staying over should probably indicate where he's at though.
"I'm sure that it would help only one of us actually feel better. And I'd rather take care of ya.if I take care of you, then I know you're okay. Otherwise? A lot else could be true."
He smiles at Sam before kissing him. Softly, on the lips.
"It's more important that you smell happy than like me."
The line is almost corny, but the way Bucky says is so genuine that Sam just pulls him in for another kiss, sweet and long. Is he going to stop being a brat to Bucky just cause he's being a good alpha? Absolutely not.
But Sam can admit that for all that Bucky vexes him, he's doing a good job being the caretaker and provider so few alphas actually want to be.
"Good boy," Sam murmurs against his lips. Somehow manages to pull away after one last peck to unlock the door and let them both in.
Bucky groans, clearly pleased but still laughing a little bit as they head inside Sam's building. There's no one around, fortunately, and once they're in Sam's apartment Bucky gives him another kiss, helps him out of his clothes, and starts the hot water for Sam's bath before retreating to the kitchen.
He makes some comfort food; soup, potatoes, that kind of thing. Pulls a beer out of the fridge and brings it to Sam in the bath.
It's so domestic it makes Sam's head spin. Takes the beer. Thinks about offering Bucky a blow job because he's just not sure how to handle all this. Instead he takes the beer, looks up at Bucky and contemplates for a moment.
"Help me understand how we went from you fucking me in my office for 10 hours despite me saying no, to you waiting on me sweetly and prioritizing what I want, in under 48 hours."
He's currently just relaxing in the tub. Cleaned the worst of it off immediately so he could enjoy a soak and then just scrub off the rest fast whenever he's done. So he looks drowsy and relaxed for now. Content.
"There's being overwhelmed and then there's trauma." Bucky gives a little shrug. "I knew I'd have to convince you I was worth a shot, or to at least rethink your plans." Didn't expect Tony to drop the ball as badly as he has, though; not that he's surprised when all is said and done. "Even if you flat out rejected me, figured we would have fun getting there."
Bucky shrugs, and puts his hands in his pockets. "End of the day? I wanna take care of you. That means a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons."
Sam's kneejerk reaction is to deny to term traumanfrom touching him, because he's great at counselling others while never ever heeding any good coping mechanisms for himself. But Bucky is right even on a broader scale - and life as an omega is pretty damn traumatizing by default. Sam takes a sip of his beer, contemplative.
"Why?" He finally asks. "I mean, you come to one group, leave early, never return. Weeks later you show up in my office proverbial guns blazing. You coulda approached me right away and make your interest known. Get to know me by asking questions instead of stalking me. Did you only take action because I entered an official courtship?"
Sam beckons Bucky closer, scoops up some bath foam and brushes it onto Bucky's nose.
"Were you that worried I'd reject you otherwise, James?"
And perhaps why also implies 'why me?' In addition to 'why now?' And 'why like this?'. But Sam can't deny it pleases him to hear that Bucky wants to care for him. Hasn't had someone step up like that in a long time. And on that front, Tony is falling woefully short.
"I realized pretty quick I couldn't be in group with you, which meant reorganizing my whole... strategy to life, at the time." He rolls his shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with the topic but opting to be honest instead. "Some patient of a coworker comes up to you, tries a initiate a standard courtship... you gonna take him seriously? Younger than you, shifter vet with documented anger issues and a record? I don't think so. You are too good at your job to see that as anything useful for the way you wanna live, which meant I had to come at it from another angle. Get my shit together. Do my research.
I didn't know, about Tony, right away. He designed the arm," he gestures towards it, "so I've known him a few years now."
He has not, this entire time, endeavored to remove the soap from his nose.
"He talked about the arm for half an hour over dinner." Sam reaches out, runs his fingertips over it. It's a marvel, there's no denying that. Practically as if Bucky just happened to have a metal arm rather than a full on prosthesis. Sam shifts his fingers in between metal.ones. leans his cheek on the rim of the tub and looks at Bucky from under those long lashes. Feels oddly pleased that the foam is still there, not brushed away. Tugs Bucky's hand closer to breathe a kiss on his knuckles. "You feel that?"
It's nice to hear Bucky recognized he had work to do. And Sam won't flatter him with lies and pretend he would have entertained that courtship. He might have - but they both know that he can only compromise on his self respect so much. Instead he gets to feel a little impressed that Bucky has this level of self reflection.
"You got good support now? Cause yknow I'm gonna tell you to come see another group or let me recommend good people for you to see."
Buckys has touched on something else though. Sam contemplates, then offers: "don't most alphas prefer younger omegas?" And after a brief hesitation: "if you did your research, you know there ain't gonna be a chance at kids, right - that ain't a fight I gotta have with you down the line?"
Because Sam lost someone over that once. Told the alpha he did not want kids, and then got dumped mid courtship when he had his tubes tied. Apparently acceptance had meant secretly hoping for an accident.
Bucky smiles, nods when Sam kisses his metal hand. He can feel that, actually.
"First thing I did when I got home was get fixed, I can't... really handle the idea of living with anyone younger than a teenager. Babies are a lot of work. Raising humans who can't rationalize? I ain't cut out for that. Not a lot of omegas my age feel the same."
Just to be straight up.
"I got people. Therapist, psych, all that." He nods. "You ain't gotta worry about that part. But I appreciate it."
Sam nods. Understands that better than most. Not a lot of alphas his age get that either - and are often looking for younger omegas to knock up. Sam is considered past his prime in that regard. And like Bucky, he took care of the whole issue permanently.
"So... you saw me, wanted to court me, realized you had shit to work through first. Got yourself a good support network, did some heavy duty stalking. Came back, decided to challenge my courtship, cause you wanna mate me and... take care of me?" A little bemused, but not mocking. Sam's just not used to that. Had to rely on himself and nobody else for so long. "How's that gonna look?"
He's not letting go of Bucky's hand yet. Still looking up at him, soft and open. Listening, too, very attentively. There's something so comfortable here. About feeling cozy in hot water with Bucky outside the tub just... talking about life and plans. Knowing that when he decides he's done becoming a prune, there's dinner waiting because his alpha prioritizes Sam's comfort over a fancy dinner experience or popping a knot.
"Kinda nuts." Bucky shrugs one shoulder. "Not that I'm not aware that I'm nuts, you know? I know... I've got some money, not Stark money, but still. I could buy a house. I got a job that's pretty flexible, pays well. I got my shit but I'm handling it. And like you could pick someone. Whomever. Just to get guys like me off your back, but.
Don't you deserve good things too? Adulthood ain't all about settling, or what's the point?"
Bucky takes a breath. "It looks like having someone in your corner. Not heading home solo at all hours. Someone to take care of you when you're tired of doing it all yourself."
"Oh so you are working on that sugar daddy title, huh?"
It's a quip, a little bit of a callback to their griping at each other when Bucky had first taken Sam. Sam can't quite believe it's not even been 48 hours since then. He feels an ache in his body that's not unpleasant, but just... fully and entirely exhausted.
What Bucky puts on the table here sounds almost too good to be true, and Sam wishes he didn't feel so wary of that. Of just how good it sounds. How much he wants this life Bucky is offering so casually, like it's the bare minimum rather than a castle in the clouds. But Sam's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Has perhaps been disappointed one too many times not to be overly cautious.
"And how's it gonna look for you - what do you want for yourself, really?"
A smile and a shrug. If the sugar daddy shoe fits...
But he sobers up a little at Sam's next question. "Someone to care about. Someone to create a routine around. Someone to tell me when I've... done too much, gone too far. Someone who will be honest with me but not afraid of me.
Someone who doesn't hate that my cure-all for insomnia is sex." Smirking. "I wanna make a home with someone who won't resent me for not giving them the means to have children. Someone who is familiar with the way a mind goes sideways sometimes. Someone who likes me."
Sam shifts in the tub a little, brows creasing in a frown. Something about that doesn't sit right with him. Those are good things to want, that's not the issue. They're very healthy. Except...
"That's the bare minimum, puppy," Sam says, quiet and soft. And he doesn't say it with reproach or with an incredulous tilt to it - because he's seeing it now, that for Bucky this isn't the bare minimum. It's a need that hasn't been met yet. And that... is a pill to swallow. What a far cry from the alpha taking and taking and taking.
Bucky's just looking for someone who can let him give and give and give.
"That happen a lot - people being afraid of the wolf? Of you?"
"Bare minimum can feel like a lot when it's never been on offer."
His smile is rueful. "People are scared of me all the time and for good reason. But that's usually all they are, unless they're hoping for pups with my strength and a better temperament. Either way it won't work."
"You don't scare me," Sam says after a while. After a pause to indicate he thought about it before he said it, and found it true. "You annoyed the crap out of me, you damn knothead."
Sam reaches up, runs a wet thumb along Bucky's cheek to take the sting out of those words.
"You're a lot," he simply concedes. Somehow, it doesn't sound like it's meant in a bad way at all. Taps his fingers against the rim of the tub for a while. Then: "Would you fuck me in an alley, too, where everyone can see, just to mark your territory?"
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no subject
Date: 2022-12-25 06:38 am (UTC)When Bucky steps close, Sam doesn't flinch or back away. Even though a shifter this agitated scares most people. To Sam this radiates safety right now.
And Sam's own scent is a mess. It's taken on the acrid, bitter notes of fear, hunger, upset, mixed with the scent of Tony's cum and aroused alpha - the cab driver. It all clings to Sam.
He reaches out after a moment, slides his arm through Bucky's as they walk.
"You okay?"
Because he will always ask that first of others, when when he just went through some shit.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 06:58 am (UTC)Bucky one hundred percent is aware that is not what Sam meant at all.
"What do you wanna do when you get home? Do you need to eat?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:09 am (UTC)"I should. Also gonna need the world's longest shower."
Silent for a moment. Then, hesistantly:
"You followed us."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:15 am (UTC)Because he'd promised he wouldn't interrupt them.
"... Seeing you get in the cab was kinda scary, honestly."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:23 am (UTC)After a while he glances over.
"You know that this stuff happens all the time, right? You weren't wrong when you said I wanted to mate because I'm tired of this shit. Mating bite is the only way to get some peace and quiet." And then, after a moment: "I know you're currently chasing me hard. But no amount of stalking is gonna keep me safe 24/7. And inrefuse to become the kind of omega who works from home and barely leaves. I know the risks. And I know not to rely on an alpha to keep me safe all the time."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:32 am (UTC)"You love your job; I would never ask you to set that aside for my own paranoia or whatever." He frowns, looks down, shrugs. "I know it happens all the time. I know that there's fuckall I can do about that. And I don't think the shit you get up to, living your life, is inherently dangerous. Broadly, yanno?"
He just thinks that Tony is not the one. And that he, himself, and Sam? Would be great together.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:47 am (UTC)"So. Did you enjoy the view?"
That one bugs him though. Needs to hear if Bucky isnthe type tonget off on that or will want to reclaim lost territory.
Yknow, like Tony did.
By the time samnaaka the question they're on the steps leading up to his place.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 07:53 am (UTC)They're on the steps. Bucky stops their progression and rubs his hands up and down Sam's arms.
"Look. Here's what I think we should do. You take a bath. I make you dinner. We cuddle. You sleep.
If you wanna wake up wet you let me know. Otherwise? That's it."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 08:00 am (UTC)Sam gently tugs on Bucky's jacket. Gets him closer so they're faces are almost touching. Feels like he's flirting with disaster and doesn't mind it. Does absolutely notice the way Bucky asks about fucking him in his sleep. Someone listened earlier, and listened well.
"I can tell you're still agitated. You sure you want to fuss, not fuck?"
Sam does not want to fuck. The question comes from his surprise that Bucky doesn't more than own desire.
The fact that he's not even putting up resistance about Bucky just assuming he's staying over should probably indicate where he's at though.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 08:10 am (UTC)He smiles at Sam before kissing him. Softly, on the lips.
"It's more important that you smell happy than like me."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-26 08:18 am (UTC)But Sam can admit that for all that Bucky vexes him, he's doing a good job being the caretaker and provider so few alphas actually want to be.
"Good boy," Sam murmurs against his lips. Somehow manages to pull away after one last peck to unlock the door and let them both in.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 06:23 am (UTC)He makes some comfort food; soup, potatoes, that kind of thing. Pulls a beer out of the fridge and brings it to Sam in the bath.
"Dinner is ready when you are, but. No rush."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 06:54 am (UTC)"Help me understand how we went from you fucking me in my office for 10 hours despite me saying no, to you waiting on me sweetly and prioritizing what I want, in under 48 hours."
He's currently just relaxing in the tub. Cleaned the worst of it off immediately so he could enjoy a soak and then just scrub off the rest fast whenever he's done. So he looks drowsy and relaxed for now. Content.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 07:48 pm (UTC)Bucky shrugs, and puts his hands in his pockets. "End of the day? I wanna take care of you. That means a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 08:57 pm (UTC)"Why?" He finally asks. "I mean, you come to one group, leave early, never return. Weeks later you show up in my office proverbial guns blazing. You coulda approached me right away and make your interest known. Get to know me by asking questions instead of stalking me. Did you only take action because I entered an official courtship?"
Sam beckons Bucky closer, scoops up some bath foam and brushes it onto Bucky's nose.
"Were you that worried I'd reject you otherwise, James?"
And perhaps why also implies 'why me?' In addition to 'why now?' And 'why like this?'. But Sam can't deny it pleases him to hear that Bucky wants to care for him. Hasn't had someone step up like that in a long time. And on that front, Tony is falling woefully short.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 09:06 pm (UTC)I didn't know, about Tony, right away. He designed the arm," he gestures towards it, "so I've known him a few years now."
He has not, this entire time, endeavored to remove the soap from his nose.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 09:25 pm (UTC)It's nice to hear Bucky recognized he had work to do. And Sam won't flatter him with lies and pretend he would have entertained that courtship. He might have - but they both know that he can only compromise on his self respect so much. Instead he gets to feel a little impressed that Bucky has this level of self reflection.
"You got good support now? Cause yknow I'm gonna tell you to come see another group or let me recommend good people for you to see."
Buckys has touched on something else though. Sam contemplates, then offers: "don't most alphas prefer younger omegas?" And after a brief hesitation: "if you did your research, you know there ain't gonna be a chance at kids, right - that ain't a fight I gotta have with you down the line?"
Because Sam lost someone over that once. Told the alpha he did not want kids, and then got dumped mid courtship when he had his tubes tied. Apparently acceptance had meant secretly hoping for an accident.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 10:55 pm (UTC)"First thing I did when I got home was get fixed, I can't... really handle the idea of living with anyone younger than a teenager. Babies are a lot of work. Raising humans who can't rationalize? I ain't cut out for that. Not a lot of omegas my age feel the same."
Just to be straight up.
"I got people. Therapist, psych, all that." He nods. "You ain't gotta worry about that part. But I appreciate it."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 11:09 pm (UTC)"So... you saw me, wanted to court me, realized you had shit to work through first. Got yourself a good support network, did some heavy duty stalking. Came back, decided to challenge my courtship, cause you wanna mate me and... take care of me?" A little bemused, but not mocking. Sam's just not used to that. Had to rely on himself and nobody else for so long. "How's that gonna look?"
He's not letting go of Bucky's hand yet. Still looking up at him, soft and open. Listening, too, very attentively. There's something so comfortable here. About feeling cozy in hot water with Bucky outside the tub just... talking about life and plans. Knowing that when he decides he's done becoming a prune, there's dinner waiting because his alpha prioritizes Sam's comfort over a fancy dinner experience or popping a knot.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 02:41 am (UTC)Don't you deserve good things too? Adulthood ain't all about settling, or what's the point?"
Bucky takes a breath. "It looks like having someone in your corner. Not heading home solo at all hours. Someone to take care of you when you're tired of doing it all yourself."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 03:54 am (UTC)It's a quip, a little bit of a callback to their griping at each other when Bucky had first taken Sam. Sam can't quite believe it's not even been 48 hours since then. He feels an ache in his body that's not unpleasant, but just... fully and entirely exhausted.
What Bucky puts on the table here sounds almost too good to be true, and Sam wishes he didn't feel so wary of that. Of just how good it sounds. How much he wants this life Bucky is offering so casually, like it's the bare minimum rather than a castle in the clouds. But Sam's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Has perhaps been disappointed one too many times not to be overly cautious.
"And how's it gonna look for you - what do you want for yourself, really?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 04:36 pm (UTC)But he sobers up a little at Sam's next question. "Someone to care about. Someone to create a routine around. Someone to tell me when I've... done too much, gone too far. Someone who will be honest with me but not afraid of me.
Someone who doesn't hate that my cure-all for insomnia is sex." Smirking. "I wanna make a home with someone who won't resent me for not giving them the means to have children. Someone who is familiar with the way a mind goes sideways sometimes. Someone who likes me."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 05:12 am (UTC)"That's the bare minimum, puppy," Sam says, quiet and soft. And he doesn't say it with reproach or with an incredulous tilt to it - because he's seeing it now, that for Bucky this isn't the bare minimum. It's a need that hasn't been met yet. And that... is a pill to swallow. What a far cry from the alpha taking and taking and taking.
Bucky's just looking for someone who can let him give and give and give.
"That happen a lot - people being afraid of the wolf? Of you?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 02:09 pm (UTC)His smile is rueful. "People are scared of me all the time and for good reason. But that's usually all they are, unless they're hoping for pups with my strength and a better temperament. Either way it won't work."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-03 07:36 am (UTC)Sam reaches up, runs a wet thumb along Bucky's cheek to take the sting out of those words.
"You're a lot," he simply concedes. Somehow, it doesn't sound like it's meant in a bad way at all. Taps his fingers against the rim of the tub for a while. Then: "Would you fuck me in an alley, too, where everyone can see, just to mark your territory?"
(no subject)
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