"There's being overwhelmed and then there's trauma." Bucky gives a little shrug. "I knew I'd have to convince you I was worth a shot, or to at least rethink your plans." Didn't expect Tony to drop the ball as badly as he has, though; not that he's surprised when all is said and done. "Even if you flat out rejected me, figured we would have fun getting there."
Bucky shrugs, and puts his hands in his pockets. "End of the day? I wanna take care of you. That means a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons."
Sam's kneejerk reaction is to deny to term traumanfrom touching him, because he's great at counselling others while never ever heeding any good coping mechanisms for himself. But Bucky is right even on a broader scale - and life as an omega is pretty damn traumatizing by default. Sam takes a sip of his beer, contemplative.
"Why?" He finally asks. "I mean, you come to one group, leave early, never return. Weeks later you show up in my office proverbial guns blazing. You coulda approached me right away and make your interest known. Get to know me by asking questions instead of stalking me. Did you only take action because I entered an official courtship?"
Sam beckons Bucky closer, scoops up some bath foam and brushes it onto Bucky's nose.
"Were you that worried I'd reject you otherwise, James?"
And perhaps why also implies 'why me?' In addition to 'why now?' And 'why like this?'. But Sam can't deny it pleases him to hear that Bucky wants to care for him. Hasn't had someone step up like that in a long time. And on that front, Tony is falling woefully short.
"I realized pretty quick I couldn't be in group with you, which meant reorganizing my whole... strategy to life, at the time." He rolls his shoulder, clearly uncomfortable with the topic but opting to be honest instead. "Some patient of a coworker comes up to you, tries a initiate a standard courtship... you gonna take him seriously? Younger than you, shifter vet with documented anger issues and a record? I don't think so. You are too good at your job to see that as anything useful for the way you wanna live, which meant I had to come at it from another angle. Get my shit together. Do my research.
I didn't know, about Tony, right away. He designed the arm," he gestures towards it, "so I've known him a few years now."
He has not, this entire time, endeavored to remove the soap from his nose.
"He talked about the arm for half an hour over dinner." Sam reaches out, runs his fingertips over it. It's a marvel, there's no denying that. Practically as if Bucky just happened to have a metal arm rather than a full on prosthesis. Sam shifts his fingers in between metal.ones. leans his cheek on the rim of the tub and looks at Bucky from under those long lashes. Feels oddly pleased that the foam is still there, not brushed away. Tugs Bucky's hand closer to breathe a kiss on his knuckles. "You feel that?"
It's nice to hear Bucky recognized he had work to do. And Sam won't flatter him with lies and pretend he would have entertained that courtship. He might have - but they both know that he can only compromise on his self respect so much. Instead he gets to feel a little impressed that Bucky has this level of self reflection.
"You got good support now? Cause yknow I'm gonna tell you to come see another group or let me recommend good people for you to see."
Buckys has touched on something else though. Sam contemplates, then offers: "don't most alphas prefer younger omegas?" And after a brief hesitation: "if you did your research, you know there ain't gonna be a chance at kids, right - that ain't a fight I gotta have with you down the line?"
Because Sam lost someone over that once. Told the alpha he did not want kids, and then got dumped mid courtship when he had his tubes tied. Apparently acceptance had meant secretly hoping for an accident.
Bucky smiles, nods when Sam kisses his metal hand. He can feel that, actually.
"First thing I did when I got home was get fixed, I can't... really handle the idea of living with anyone younger than a teenager. Babies are a lot of work. Raising humans who can't rationalize? I ain't cut out for that. Not a lot of omegas my age feel the same."
Just to be straight up.
"I got people. Therapist, psych, all that." He nods. "You ain't gotta worry about that part. But I appreciate it."
Sam nods. Understands that better than most. Not a lot of alphas his age get that either - and are often looking for younger omegas to knock up. Sam is considered past his prime in that regard. And like Bucky, he took care of the whole issue permanently.
"So... you saw me, wanted to court me, realized you had shit to work through first. Got yourself a good support network, did some heavy duty stalking. Came back, decided to challenge my courtship, cause you wanna mate me and... take care of me?" A little bemused, but not mocking. Sam's just not used to that. Had to rely on himself and nobody else for so long. "How's that gonna look?"
He's not letting go of Bucky's hand yet. Still looking up at him, soft and open. Listening, too, very attentively. There's something so comfortable here. About feeling cozy in hot water with Bucky outside the tub just... talking about life and plans. Knowing that when he decides he's done becoming a prune, there's dinner waiting because his alpha prioritizes Sam's comfort over a fancy dinner experience or popping a knot.
"Kinda nuts." Bucky shrugs one shoulder. "Not that I'm not aware that I'm nuts, you know? I know... I've got some money, not Stark money, but still. I could buy a house. I got a job that's pretty flexible, pays well. I got my shit but I'm handling it. And like you could pick someone. Whomever. Just to get guys like me off your back, but.
Don't you deserve good things too? Adulthood ain't all about settling, or what's the point?"
Bucky takes a breath. "It looks like having someone in your corner. Not heading home solo at all hours. Someone to take care of you when you're tired of doing it all yourself."
"Oh so you are working on that sugar daddy title, huh?"
It's a quip, a little bit of a callback to their griping at each other when Bucky had first taken Sam. Sam can't quite believe it's not even been 48 hours since then. He feels an ache in his body that's not unpleasant, but just... fully and entirely exhausted.
What Bucky puts on the table here sounds almost too good to be true, and Sam wishes he didn't feel so wary of that. Of just how good it sounds. How much he wants this life Bucky is offering so casually, like it's the bare minimum rather than a castle in the clouds. But Sam's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Has perhaps been disappointed one too many times not to be overly cautious.
"And how's it gonna look for you - what do you want for yourself, really?"
A smile and a shrug. If the sugar daddy shoe fits...
But he sobers up a little at Sam's next question. "Someone to care about. Someone to create a routine around. Someone to tell me when I've... done too much, gone too far. Someone who will be honest with me but not afraid of me.
Someone who doesn't hate that my cure-all for insomnia is sex." Smirking. "I wanna make a home with someone who won't resent me for not giving them the means to have children. Someone who is familiar with the way a mind goes sideways sometimes. Someone who likes me."
Sam shifts in the tub a little, brows creasing in a frown. Something about that doesn't sit right with him. Those are good things to want, that's not the issue. They're very healthy. Except...
"That's the bare minimum, puppy," Sam says, quiet and soft. And he doesn't say it with reproach or with an incredulous tilt to it - because he's seeing it now, that for Bucky this isn't the bare minimum. It's a need that hasn't been met yet. And that... is a pill to swallow. What a far cry from the alpha taking and taking and taking.
Bucky's just looking for someone who can let him give and give and give.
"That happen a lot - people being afraid of the wolf? Of you?"
"Bare minimum can feel like a lot when it's never been on offer."
His smile is rueful. "People are scared of me all the time and for good reason. But that's usually all they are, unless they're hoping for pups with my strength and a better temperament. Either way it won't work."
"You don't scare me," Sam says after a while. After a pause to indicate he thought about it before he said it, and found it true. "You annoyed the crap out of me, you damn knothead."
Sam reaches up, runs a wet thumb along Bucky's cheek to take the sting out of those words.
"You're a lot," he simply concedes. Somehow, it doesn't sound like it's meant in a bad way at all. Taps his fingers against the rim of the tub for a while. Then: "Would you fuck me in an alley, too, where everyone can see, just to mark your territory?"
"Not just for that, nah." Bucky looks away to Sam's fingers. He knows that Sam didn't enjoy being in that position with Tony, and that Tony ignored that out of his own sense of pride or whatever, and honestly? He didn't enjoy seeing Sam in it, either. "You were pretty obviously not into it. I dunno if you noticed, but. I'd rather you were into whatever we get up to."
Being called a knothead, and a lot, by someone who doesn't seem to intend either of those statements as a negative report? Kind of nice. "I didn't intend to shift that first night. You took me by surprise. That's why I didn't warn you ahead of time."
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Date: 2022-12-27 07:48 pm (UTC)Bucky shrugs, and puts his hands in his pockets. "End of the day? I wanna take care of you. That means a lot of different things for a lot of different reasons."
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Date: 2022-12-27 08:57 pm (UTC)"Why?" He finally asks. "I mean, you come to one group, leave early, never return. Weeks later you show up in my office proverbial guns blazing. You coulda approached me right away and make your interest known. Get to know me by asking questions instead of stalking me. Did you only take action because I entered an official courtship?"
Sam beckons Bucky closer, scoops up some bath foam and brushes it onto Bucky's nose.
"Were you that worried I'd reject you otherwise, James?"
And perhaps why also implies 'why me?' In addition to 'why now?' And 'why like this?'. But Sam can't deny it pleases him to hear that Bucky wants to care for him. Hasn't had someone step up like that in a long time. And on that front, Tony is falling woefully short.
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Date: 2022-12-27 09:06 pm (UTC)I didn't know, about Tony, right away. He designed the arm," he gestures towards it, "so I've known him a few years now."
He has not, this entire time, endeavored to remove the soap from his nose.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 09:25 pm (UTC)It's nice to hear Bucky recognized he had work to do. And Sam won't flatter him with lies and pretend he would have entertained that courtship. He might have - but they both know that he can only compromise on his self respect so much. Instead he gets to feel a little impressed that Bucky has this level of self reflection.
"You got good support now? Cause yknow I'm gonna tell you to come see another group or let me recommend good people for you to see."
Buckys has touched on something else though. Sam contemplates, then offers: "don't most alphas prefer younger omegas?" And after a brief hesitation: "if you did your research, you know there ain't gonna be a chance at kids, right - that ain't a fight I gotta have with you down the line?"
Because Sam lost someone over that once. Told the alpha he did not want kids, and then got dumped mid courtship when he had his tubes tied. Apparently acceptance had meant secretly hoping for an accident.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 10:55 pm (UTC)"First thing I did when I got home was get fixed, I can't... really handle the idea of living with anyone younger than a teenager. Babies are a lot of work. Raising humans who can't rationalize? I ain't cut out for that. Not a lot of omegas my age feel the same."
Just to be straight up.
"I got people. Therapist, psych, all that." He nods. "You ain't gotta worry about that part. But I appreciate it."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-27 11:09 pm (UTC)"So... you saw me, wanted to court me, realized you had shit to work through first. Got yourself a good support network, did some heavy duty stalking. Came back, decided to challenge my courtship, cause you wanna mate me and... take care of me?" A little bemused, but not mocking. Sam's just not used to that. Had to rely on himself and nobody else for so long. "How's that gonna look?"
He's not letting go of Bucky's hand yet. Still looking up at him, soft and open. Listening, too, very attentively. There's something so comfortable here. About feeling cozy in hot water with Bucky outside the tub just... talking about life and plans. Knowing that when he decides he's done becoming a prune, there's dinner waiting because his alpha prioritizes Sam's comfort over a fancy dinner experience or popping a knot.
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 02:41 am (UTC)Don't you deserve good things too? Adulthood ain't all about settling, or what's the point?"
Bucky takes a breath. "It looks like having someone in your corner. Not heading home solo at all hours. Someone to take care of you when you're tired of doing it all yourself."
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 03:54 am (UTC)It's a quip, a little bit of a callback to their griping at each other when Bucky had first taken Sam. Sam can't quite believe it's not even been 48 hours since then. He feels an ache in his body that's not unpleasant, but just... fully and entirely exhausted.
What Bucky puts on the table here sounds almost too good to be true, and Sam wishes he didn't feel so wary of that. Of just how good it sounds. How much he wants this life Bucky is offering so casually, like it's the bare minimum rather than a castle in the clouds. But Sam's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Has perhaps been disappointed one too many times not to be overly cautious.
"And how's it gonna look for you - what do you want for yourself, really?"
no subject
Date: 2022-12-29 04:36 pm (UTC)But he sobers up a little at Sam's next question. "Someone to care about. Someone to create a routine around. Someone to tell me when I've... done too much, gone too far. Someone who will be honest with me but not afraid of me.
Someone who doesn't hate that my cure-all for insomnia is sex." Smirking. "I wanna make a home with someone who won't resent me for not giving them the means to have children. Someone who is familiar with the way a mind goes sideways sometimes. Someone who likes me."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 05:12 am (UTC)"That's the bare minimum, puppy," Sam says, quiet and soft. And he doesn't say it with reproach or with an incredulous tilt to it - because he's seeing it now, that for Bucky this isn't the bare minimum. It's a need that hasn't been met yet. And that... is a pill to swallow. What a far cry from the alpha taking and taking and taking.
Bucky's just looking for someone who can let him give and give and give.
"That happen a lot - people being afraid of the wolf? Of you?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 02:09 pm (UTC)His smile is rueful. "People are scared of me all the time and for good reason. But that's usually all they are, unless they're hoping for pups with my strength and a better temperament. Either way it won't work."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-03 07:36 am (UTC)Sam reaches up, runs a wet thumb along Bucky's cheek to take the sting out of those words.
"You're a lot," he simply concedes. Somehow, it doesn't sound like it's meant in a bad way at all. Taps his fingers against the rim of the tub for a while. Then: "Would you fuck me in an alley, too, where everyone can see, just to mark your territory?"
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 02:50 pm (UTC)Being called a knothead, and a lot, by someone who doesn't seem to intend either of those statements as a negative report? Kind of nice. "I didn't intend to shift that first night. You took me by surprise. That's why I didn't warn you ahead of time."