"I took this appointment to be around you," Bucky clarifies, "because I care about you and I'm told I've fallen in love with the impossible." He lets that sit for a moment before he continues, "I realize that was not part of the agreement we came to, and I did not develop these feelings as a way of ensnaring you in one more plot. They just... are.
This can be whatever you need it to be. I can be merely your bodyguard, or I can be more than that. But the choice will remain yours. I will protect you, either way."
Bucky says it so casually, as if it doesn't rock Sam's entire world. He glances over, stunned into silence for a while. Bucky loves him. Bucky has fallen in love with him?
"How?" he asks, after a while. Not denying the possibility. Not rejecting the notion. Just needing to understand. "We've only met the once. You've only had me the once..."
Which means whatever Bucky's feeling isn't a temporary scent bond, either, and that's almost scary. Because if it was a day after their tryst, Sam could believe that Bucky is merely experiencing a strong reaction to Sam's scent. It's... not the case, quite obviously so. And that means Sam needs to understand this dedication, this willingness to have as much or as little of Sam as he can, risks be damned.
Bucky breathes through the myriad of feelings rolling around in his chest. It's a fair question. He just hates it.
"I didn't think I was capable. So I wasn't prepared for this to happen. But I can't stop thinking about you. I worry when you don't smile. I can smell you across a crowded room and tell if you're happy or not just from that. I can't stop thinking about you. About the way you sounded that night. Worrying about you and what's going to happen to you."
Sam's breath hitches a little at the magnitude of it, the sincerity. And he wishes right then that circumstances were different. If he weren't promised, there would be a chance of a secret affair eventually becoming something he could legitimize. With a few years of dedicated work, Bucky could be raised in status to be worthy of the youngest prince's hand. Except there are so few scenarios in which Sam's hand remains without a ring on it for long enough. If it were not Walker, then Sam would still have to entertain thoughts of a political match before long, to secure prosperity.
This is more dire. He's securing a very fragile peace.
"I don't know if I can ever give you what your heart desires," he admits, and sounds genuinely pained. Because he's young, and Bucky is the first man who has ever touched Sam. And Sam doesn't know if he'd allowed that to be the case if not for his own looming fate. He doesn't know if the yearning in him is just because of that, either, or something more earnest. "But perhaps it would please you to know I don't enjoy my fingers the way I enjoyed you."
A small flick of his gaze, almost shy despite the blunt honesty.
"If you can accept that it can never be more than a tryst, and it will never go beyond that... then perhaps... perhaps you would like to continue my education. To teach me how to satisfy an alpha."
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Date: 2022-12-29 04:42 pm (UTC)This can be whatever you need it to be. I can be merely your bodyguard, or I can be more than that. But the choice will remain yours. I will protect you, either way."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 05:22 am (UTC)Bucky says it so casually, as if it doesn't rock Sam's entire world. He glances over, stunned into silence for a while. Bucky loves him. Bucky has fallen in love with him?
"How?" he asks, after a while. Not denying the possibility. Not rejecting the notion. Just needing to understand. "We've only met the once. You've only had me the once..."
Which means whatever Bucky's feeling isn't a temporary scent bond, either, and that's almost scary. Because if it was a day after their tryst, Sam could believe that Bucky is merely experiencing a strong reaction to Sam's scent. It's... not the case, quite obviously so. And that means Sam needs to understand this dedication, this willingness to have as much or as little of Sam as he can, risks be damned.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-01 02:06 pm (UTC)"I didn't think I was capable. So I wasn't prepared for this to happen. But I can't stop thinking about you. I worry when you don't smile. I can smell you across a crowded room and tell if you're happy or not just from that. I can't stop thinking about you. About the way you sounded that night. Worrying about you and what's going to happen to you."
no subject
Date: 2023-01-03 07:21 am (UTC)This is more dire. He's securing a very fragile peace.
"I don't know if I can ever give you what your heart desires," he admits, and sounds genuinely pained. Because he's young, and Bucky is the first man who has ever touched Sam. And Sam doesn't know if he'd allowed that to be the case if not for his own looming fate. He doesn't know if the yearning in him is just because of that, either, or something more earnest. "But perhaps it would please you to know I don't enjoy my fingers the way I enjoyed you."
A small flick of his gaze, almost shy despite the blunt honesty.
"If you can accept that it can never be more than a tryst, and it will never go beyond that... then perhaps... perhaps you would like to continue my education. To teach me how to satisfy an alpha."